I have been a hardcore fan of the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) since 2020. I vividly remember watching highlights of Adesanya vs Costa, and then hopping onto the JRE podcast and consuming every MMA episode I could find. I immediately started flipping through the pages of history, starting from Goodridge's violent elbows to kick off UFC 1 to the gladiator bloodbath of Lawler vs MacDonald 2. I watched Brock Lesnar claim "Frank Mir had a horseshoe up his ass" and McGregor punching the upper stratosphere of superstardom in 13 seconds. Anthony Petis showing off his taijutsu kick and Anderson Silva entering the matrix against Forrest Griffin. Khabib toying with Michael Johnson and Mighty Mouse bending reality with an unbelievable suplex-to-armbar submission. I was fucking hooked.
I remember taking a distributed systems test with zero preparation, just because Leon ROCKY Edwards pulled the shit out of the fire when the entire world thought it was impossible that late in the fight. I went for a run at 6 AM with a 100-degree fever because Israel Adesanya said he was "prepared to die" in that 5th round vs Gastelum. I became an instant fan of the human being known as Dustin Poirier when he knocked out McGregor and then watched with teary eyes when he made that walkout against Makhachev on "Shine Bright Like a Diamond". I made strong friendships where we could talk about grabbing Ilia Apturo Topturo by the scruff of his neck and laugh out loud without missing a beat. Hell, I even took Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) classes for a month because Joe Rogan convinced me everyone HAS to learn how to fight. Yes, the sport is actually MMA, but since the UFC is THE premier organisation for MMA, the general public usually treats the two terms as synonymous.
The last statement is where the problem lies. For years, we fans have been sweeping multiple red flags of the UFC brass under our green carpets, simply because they are the best in the business. From disproportionate fighter pay causing Francis Ngannou to take his massive balls to boxing, to Uncle Dana proclaiming his love for Jon Jones after every felony, doping violation, and blatant ducking charges; from "who gives a shit" about eyepokes to outright deceptive contract signings; from scandalous weight scale issues that has it's own Wikipedia section to the shoving of gambling ads down our throats until we choke and die broke one day. But everything was "forgiven" as long as we got to enjoy the best fights put between the best fighters in the world.
Not until now. On his most recent "what's up everybody"
segment lazy-promotion-slop, Uncle Dana announced Paddy
Pimblett vs Justin Gaethje for the main event of UFC 324 for the
interim lightweight title. Sweet, one more strikefest that will
surely turn out to be a banger...except when you realize the champion of
the division is still there (defend or vacate!), the number one
contender just won a "number one contender's" fight, and the 2nd and 3rd
ranked fighters in the division are probably going to fight for a
gimmick BMF belt. And this headlines over the co-main Nunes vs Harrison,
which is actually for the lineal championship (the disrespect on women's
MMA is just toxic). And you choose not to match up O'Malley vs Umar,
which would have made for the clear next contender for the bantamweight
title - instead, they are fighting different opponents on the same
fucking card! Dana
White privilege absolutely stinks on this card!
Volk vs Lopes 2!? Did Dana send Mosvar to Dagestan for 2-3 years and forget? You make Volk sit for 9 months just to make the same matchup again, when this could likely turn out to be his retirement fight? Did they use "AI" to make these matchups??
For an analogy, imagine on the day of the world cup final 2022, Argentina decides to pack their bags and go home, and insists any other two teams of FIFA's choosing play for an "interim" world cup - this interim cup being defended months later at a time of Argentina's choosing. Remember the word "interim" because anyone who wins this final isn't actually the legit champion, the trophy is a cheap replica, and the winning fans will have to pause their celebrations until they defeat Argentina in some undetermined time in the future. OKAY (!?), says FIFA.
Then, instead of pitting the second finalists, France, against one of the other semi-finalists, Croatia/Morocco, to settle this "interim" final, they think "hmm, Cristiano Ronaldo is very popular on Instagram, hell let's have him play the finals". Lo and behold, Portugal is in the fucking finals!
You re-enact that Anakin-Padme meme and reply, "You have such a good sense of humour, FIFA president...it was a joke, right?" Giving in to the dark side, Anakin Infantino replies, "You underestimate my power!", and decides that Italy, which didn't even qualify for the tournament, will be the other finalist!
"But why, that doesn't make any sense!", you say.
Anakintino replies, "Well, you see, Italy has refused to play any other World Cup match in the future if it doesn't get to play in this interim final. And considering their rich history of winning 4 finals before, we'll allow them one more crack at it."
"But what about France? Or even Croatia and Morocco? Clearly, at least one of them is the right contender for the title!"
"Silence!", the pink-faced Emperor Palpantino says calmly, "I hate that French football team! That entitled brat Mbappe makes those huge lumps of cash at PSG and still dares to ask me MORE money for playing in this final? Last week I spent a few million on a blackjack hand, and I am the one who gets shit on social media? That's fucking illegal!"
"Wait, what..."
"As for Croatia and Morocco, we're gonna make their third-place match for the 'Bad Motherfuckin' Footballers (BMF)' cup. Surely that's a win-win! Now, hold this camera as I have Nina Drama oil me up..."
You do your thing, Dana Pinkman. I won't give a second of my attention to this clown show. Maybe all of this has been a master plan to get me hooked on Powerslap Season 12809, and I hope you got what you wanted. Goodbye UFC, it wasn't me, it was you.